SIGNIFICANT PRACTICES in the Life of Adherents

1.       DEATH AND MOURNING

 

"Man that is born of a woman is of few days and full of trouble. He comes forth like a flower and withers; and like a shadow flees and does not remain."        Job 14:1-2

 

• Judaism teaches that death is an inevitable consequence of living and that the dead are to be treated with dignity and respect.
• The tradition also provides a framework for expressing grief through fixed periods of mourning, which also serve as a limit to excessive displays of grief.
• In Genesis, (Chapter 23) one learns how the Patriarch Abraham, with much ceremony and at great expense, secures a burial place for Sarah, his deceased wife.

·           This is the first biblical reference to burial.  Abraham's determination to honor his dead with proper burial becomes a basic tenet of Judaism, the responsibility of the spouse or children of the decedent.

·           The mitzvah of a proper burial is a sacred task and was made obligatory upon every person in the Jewish community in the case of a met mitzvah (a dead person who had no family, and whose burial was a commandment and the responsibility of everyone).

·           There are numerous mitzvot and customs regarding death and mourning.

 

Death and preparing for the funeral

 

·           The tradition, upon hearing of the death of a family member, was to recite the following blessing:

           “Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu me-lech ha-o-lam, Da-yan ha-emet.

           Blessed is the Eternal our God, Ruler of the universe, the true judge.”

·           The blessing is called Tzidduk ha-Din, to justify the righteousness of the judgment, and was apparently intended to affirm faith in God at a time when grief might lead anyone to blaspheme and to question the inevitable course of life and death represented by what was considered the just will of God.

·           To show reverence for the dead, the corpse is not to be left alone prior to burial.  A watcher or guardian, called a shomer, is often hired to keep a vigil until burial, reciting psalms during the watch.

·           In many communities, there are Jewish burial societies (Chevra Kaddisha) devoted to burying the dead according to the traditions of Jewish law.

·           Taharah, the washing and cleansing of the entire body of the deceased, is an ancient custom shared by other cultures, and one that evokes reverence and care for the condition of the deceased's body in its journey to its next stage.

·           Judaism does discourage embalming.  God tells Adam "For dust you are and to dust you shall return" (Genesis 3:19).  Consequently, burial became the only method of disposing of the body allowed by tradition.  Reform Judaism accepts cremation, but earth burial remains the most universal Jewish practice.

·                 Expensive coffins, magnificent tombs, and garish floral displays have no place in these teachings.  One of the greatest of the Sages, Rabban Gamliel, gave orders that he be buried in plain linen garments to discourage the display of wealth and prestige in the Jewish community, and to show compassion for the poor.  Traditional linen burial shrouds (Tachrichim) or now, the deceased's own clothing, perhaps a tallith worn during life, should be used.

·           Coffins should be simple, relatively inexpensive, and of plain wood, not massive boxes of rare woods or metal.

·           The Talmud and the codes of law require the tearing or rending of the upper part of the mourner's outer garment when the deceased is a parent, spouse, child, or sibling, which are the traditional relatives one is required to mourn and say Kaddish for.  This ancient sign of grief is called Keriah.  It is frequently done these days by the symbolic cutting of a piece of black ribbon provided by the funeral director and attached to the mourner's garment.  The actual rending of a garment or its symbolic alternative is not required by Reform Judaism and should be a personal decision.  Since it identifies one as a mourner and individuals might feel obligated to observe the custom, one should know that it is described many times in the Bible as what was done on hearing of the death of a loved one, a sign of intense grief.  Keriah was required of all who were present at death, because, it was said, the death of a Jew was comparable to the burning of a Torah scroll.

·           It has been the practice that burial should occur within a day after death, though the law codes recognized that this was not always possible.  According to the Mishnah, a delay for the honor of the dead, to make proper funeral arrangements and allow for the arrival of family members for instance, is permissible.

·           Funerals are not held on Shabbat and the major Festivals.

·           As it is a mitzvah, a commandment, to bury the dead, so the rabbis taught that that those who attended to this merited an earthly reward and eternal life in the world to come. Those who attend a funeral are fulfilling the mitzvah of halvayat ha-met, accompanying the dead.  There is a custom that family members or those present assist in the filling in of the grave.

 

The customs of mourning

 

·           The period of mourning begins as soon as the burial is over.

·           On the first day of mourning, as an act of consideration for the needs of the mourners, Jewish tradition mandated that the bereaved were not to eat their own food as their first meal after the funeral.

·           It is a mitzvah for friends and neighbors or for members of the Jewish community, to prepare a meal of condolence (called se-udat havraah) to be provided to the mourners on returning from the cemetery.  This practice is common to all branches of Judaism and should be considered an important act of sensitivity to another's needs.

·           The mitzvah of nichum avelim, comforting the mourners, is one that all members of a Jewish community should be made aware of.  This deed involves visiting a house of mourning to comfort the family by your presence and to join together in prayer.

·           One is expected to join a minyan (quorum) to honour the dead and comfort the bereaved. One need not have known the deceased nor the family.  What is required is the performance of the mitzvah.

 

 

·           The paradigm for performing nichum avelim is taken from the Book of Job, when he is joined by his friends as he mourns the loss of his children: "So they sat down with him upon the ground for seven days and seven nights and none spoke a word to him for they saw that his grief was very great" (Job 2:13).

·           The traditional codes of Jewish law divide the periods of mourning into several stages, prescribing certain practices and requiring the abstaining from certain usual behavior. The period between death and burial is called aninut, a Hebrew word for lament or sorrow.

·           One who is obligated to mourn is exempt from most of the time-bound, ritual mitzvot of the observant Jew, including the recitation of most benedictions, even the Shema; inclusion in a minyan; the study of Torah; and participation in joyous occasions.  If Shabbat occurs during this period, the observance of the Shabbat and its mitzvot suspends these abstinences.

·           Following the funeral, there are seven days of intense mourning, called Shivah, or "seven".  During these seven days, the tradition stated that it was forbidden to wear leather shoes, to work, to wear freshly washed garments, to have your hair cut, to attend any festivities, to use warm water to bathe, and to engage in sexual activity.  A mourner was forbidden to study Torah and most religious texts: "The precepts of the Eternal are right, rejoicing the heart", and a mourner is not permitted to rejoice.

·           Other customs that evolved during shivah and that are not encouraged by Reform Judaism include covering mirrors and pictures, not shaving, and the sitting on boxes or low stools, among others.  The practice of observing shivah for a full seven days is not obligatory in Reform Judaism and should be a personal decision.  Reform practice seems to consider three days as the minimum period of mourning and for the holding of minyanim, prayer services, at the home.

·           Sheloshim, or "thirty", is the next stage.  During this time, (it includes the shivah period) a mourner was generally forbidden to join in festive occasions, permitted neither to extend social invitations to others nor to accept them; one could also not marry.  If mourning a parent, these prohibitions extended the entire year.  A mourner was still forbidden to cut his hair if grieving for a parent "until rebuked by his friends" during these thirty days.  The thirty day period was intended to allow life to resume some semblance of normalcy, including the resumption of ritual obligations, though an awareness of the loss and of grief was maintained by the observance of some signs of mourning, specifically the avoidance of social entertainment.

·           Formal mourning is suspended for Shabbat.  In the tradition, the occurrence of a Festival annulled the laws of shivah.  If one buried his or her dead and a Festival intervened, shivah was not observed.  According to the Shulchan Aruch, a codification of Jewish laws, observing mourning for an hour before Passover (and other Festivals) was counted as seven days, and together with the eight days of the holiday made fifteen days, so that after the Festival one only observed sheloshim for fifteen, not thirty days. Similar exemptions are granted for mourning before Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur.  If burial occurred during the intermediate days of a Festival, shivah was observed after the conclusion of the holiday.

 

 

 

 

 

Kaddish

 

·           One of the most familiar prayers in the liturgy is the Kaddish, which is recited by mourners at the grave, in memory of the dead at worship during shivah, and for the first year after death for a parent.

·           Some might seek a minyan in order to recite Kaddish daily, or attend the weekly Shabbat worship to fulfil the mitzvah.  Kaddish was originally a prayer recited by Talmudic teachers and their students at the end of their studies.

·           Most of the prayer is in Aramaic, originally the vernacular of the Jewish people and now used mostly by those who study Talmud.

·           The prayer does not mention death, rather it glorifies God and looks towards the reign of peace.  Its cadences seem to be a mantra of affirmation and faith.

·           At one time, it was believed that the souls of the dead, particularly the wicked, spent a year in a place of punishment, called Gehenna.

·           The Kaddish was thought to help these souls ascend to Paradise.

·           Later it became customary to recite Kaddish for only eleven months, so it would not seem that you considered your loved one to deserve the full twelve months of torment. Reform Judaism does not limit Kaddish to eleven months, since it does not accept the belief that this is a prayer of intercession but a blessing of memory.

·           On the anniversary of the death, whether you use the Hebrew or the secular calendar, it is customary to observe Yahrzeit ("Year's time") by reciting Kaddish with a minyan and lighting a twenty-four hour candle (lit on the eve of the yahrzeit): "The spirit of the human is the lamp of the Eternal" (Proverbs 20:27).

·           Rabbi Nathan taught that with the surplus of money raised to bury the dead, one may erect a tombstone (called a matzevah).  Rabbi Simeon ben Gamliel apparently disagreed, declaring that such memorials are not necessary for the righteous, as their actions are their memorials (Genesis Rabbah 82:10).

 

2.       MARRIAGE

 

·           A Jewish Marriage is a legal ceremony where a ketubah (legal marriage contract) is given to the wife by the husband.

·           In the ketubah it says a man will clothe, feed and care for the woman.   It also says how much the husband will give the wife in the case of divorce.

·           The first ketubah was written (plus minus) 2,500 years ago at a time when women had no rights and were even sacrificed - a very progressive document.

·           Marriage is meant to bring a holy spirit within the house.

·           Men and women are married under the chuppah (four poles and a cloth canopy) – representative of the first house that they would build together.

·           In the Talmud, it states that a man should love his wife as himself and respect her more than himself.

·           Woman was made from the rib of man (on the side) so she is on his side on equal footing in the marriage

·           It is desirable to have children in a marriage (at least two) as when you die you should not leave the world any poorer.

·           Judaism is against intermarriage as no non-Jewish partner can help a child fulfill himself as a Jew.

·           In the Talmud “The Holy spirit can rest only upon a married man for an unmarried man is only half a man and the Holy spirit does not rest on what is imperfect.”

·           In the Torah “It is not good for man to be alone because two are better then one.”

·           The husband has the responsibility to teach the child Torah and to swim (survival).

·           At circumcision, the father undertakes to teach/lead his son the Torah and good deeds.

·           The responsibility to the son ends at the Barmitzvah as thereafter he is considered to be a man.

·           ‘Respect your in-laws’ is one of the highest ideals.

 

Shalom bayit – peace in the house

 

·           A husband is obliged to consult his spouse - it says in the Talmud that if your wife is short, bend down and whisper to her.

·           Respect family privacy (Talmud) “Do not enter a house suddenly.”

·           “No one should be expected to share a house with a serpent” (Talmud).

·           Marriage was important to fulfill oneself as a person - not just for the purpose of having children. 

·           Marriage is a sacred consecration - not only for the purpose of having children, but also for the purpose of creating a household of love and peace, worthy of God’s presence.

·           Talmud mentions three ways to acquire a wife - money (kesef), shtar (contract) and biah (knowledge).   The husband is, however, obliged to treat the wife with love and respect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Marriage Ceremony – there used to be two distinct marriage ceremonies erusin / kiddushin and nissuin.

 

·           The first ceremony (erusin / kiddushin) was a betrothal ceremony where the bridegroom used to give the bride to be a coin or something of value in the presence of a witness and recited the marriage formula “You are hereby consecrated to me according to the Law of Moses and the faith of Israel.”  The blessing on the wine was then said as well as a blessing thanking God for the act of marriage.

·           The nissuin ceremony took place under the chuppah - symbolic of the home that the couple would make together.  Seven blessings were then recited.

·           Following the ceremony, there was traditionally a week-long celebration.

·           In the middle ages, Rabbi Gershom ben Judah of Mainz, Germany, issued two legal decisions forbidding a man to divorce a woman and outlawing polygamy.

·           In the centuries that followed, the two ceremonies became one and additions were made, including a sermon by the rabbi and a benediction by the couple.  The couple is today allowed to get divorced if they are not happy.

 

Symbols of the Wedding Ceremony

 

·           Chuppah - traced back 2,500 years, first home, symbolizes God’s presence.

·           Cypress tree planted at the birth of a boy and a cedar tree planted at the birth                          of a girl.

·           Circling the groom - seven times denoting Protection and Seven days of creation (not necessarily done at Reform weddings).

·           Wine and Kiddush cup - “Wine gladdens the heart”.  A Kiddush Ring (simple, no stones) is placed on the right index finger.  Middle age custom whereby the community provided a ring for the bride to wear since the community had an interest in making sure that the wedding was a success.

·           Ketubah - wedding document/contract which confirms the covenant obligations and specifies the amount due in case of divorce.  It dates back as far as 536 BCE.

·           Kinyan - taking hold of a handkerchief - binding in front of witnesses.

             -                                        

·           Breaking the glass - reminder of the sadness of the destruction of the Temple.  Marriage must weather both happy and sad times.  Everyone then shouts “MAZAL TOV” – good luck!

 

 

Religious Aspects of the Marriage Ceremony

 

·           Aufruf - Sabbath before the wedding, the groom called to read the Torah in the synagogue.  Guests throw candy at him.  In Reform synagogues, both called to the Torah.

·           Mikveh - ritual bath taken by bride to be.

·           Fasting – the couple fast for purity, forgiveness.

·           Sheva Brachot (7 prayers) - recited at the ceremony and for seven days following the ceremony: 1 - wine; 2,3 - praise of God who created nature and mankind; 4,5,6 - for the bridal couple; and 7- for community and Israel.

·           Yichud - breaking the fast.

 

Communal Aspects of the Marriage Ceremony

 

·           Matchmaker (Shadchan) - God was the first matchmaker for Adam and Eve.

·           The whole community shares in the joy of the couple - Shiva Brachot.

·           There are differences in the Marriage Ceremony between different ‘sects’ of Judaism and from community to community.  A comparison between Orthodox and Reform Judaism.

 

 

ORTHODOX	REFORM
Terinaim	,
Kinyan
Bedeken	Optional
Procession	Procession
Circling the Groom	Optional
Sermon	Sermon
Kiddush	Kiddush
Ring — words	Ring — Words
Ketubah	Optional
Sheva Brachot	Sheva Brachot
Drinking of wine	Drinking of Wine
Breaking the Glass	Breaking the Glass
Mazal toy	Mazal tov
Yichud	Optional
Reception	Reception
Repetition of the Sheva Brachot

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3.      SYNAGOGUE SERVICES

“When Israel gathers to pray, they do not pray together as one, but each and every synagogue prays by itself: first this synagogue and then the next one.  And when all the congregations have finished all their prayers, the angel responsible for prayer takes all the prayers from all the synagogues and makes of them crowns to place upon the head of the Holy One, Blessed be God.          Midrash Shemot Rabbah.  Parshat Beshallach

 

·           PUBLIC WORSHIP is a gathering of a religious group to affirm sacred beliefs, following prescribed patterns of behaviour to express these beliefs.  It usually revolves around core beliefs contained in sacred writings and stories, containing moral/ethical frameworks for living.  Within public worship, there is a demarcation between the sacred and the secular in relation to time, space, people and objects.  The ordinary can be made extraordinary.

·           “A man’s prayers are heard by God only when he prays as part of a congregation.”

·           “When ten [men] are present, the Shekhinah, the Divine Presence, does not wait for them to arrive, but it is there beforehand to welcome them to the synagogue.”

·           From the above it can be seen that prayer should be recited as part of a congregation.  We are all influenced by our surroundings and by other human beings.  When we pray alone, the prayer is still of great value but there is a special spirit and concentration when we are part of a congregation.

·           Beit Knesset - Hebrew word for Synagogue - “House of Assembly.”

·           Shul - more commonly used word - Yiddish and derived from the German word ‘school’ - place of study.

·           Minyan - certain prayers can only be said in the presence of a minyan - a quorum of males (10 for Orthodox) or males or females people over the age of 13 (Reform) and tradition teaches that there is more merit in praying in a group than there is in praying alone.

·           Sanctuary - portion of synagogue where prayer services are held.

·           Formal prayer services are held three times daily and additional services are held on the Sabbath and festivals.

·           Prayer must be performed with “kavanah” – intention, not mere recitation.

 

Sabbath / Shabbat

 

·           Shabbat worship is a sacred time connecting Jews with the memory of events in a shared history - “Observe the Sabbath and keep it holy in memory of the exodus from Egypt.”

·           Prayer is a time that allows the Jewish people, regardless of circumstance or status in the community, to enter a different more spiritual reality.

·           Viewed as the Sabbath bride.

·           On the Sabbath, people are called to read from the Torah (aliyah), the liturgy surrounding the Torah emphasizes God’s sovereignty and the Torah as an extension of God’s rule in their lives.  It is an honour to be called to the Torah (differences in Reform and Orthodox) and the blessings made emphasize the concept of Torah study.

·           As the Torah is read, two people from the congregation stand on each side to make sure that all is in order - no direct touching of the scroll or no mistakes made in the chanting thereof.

·           Important part of the service is when the Torah is lifted and shown to all the congregation - demonstrating that the Torah is an open book that belongs to all.

·           The Torah is removed from the ark with much ceremony and chanting.  It is carried around the congregation to allow people to touch or kiss it.  Out of respect, most people do not touch the Torah directly, but use the fringes of the Tallit or the prayer book.

·           People with Yorhzeit (mourning a family death) are honoured and prayers for those who are sick are made.

·           Mussaf - an additional service added on Shabbat (not included in most Reform services).

·           There are multiple reasons for there being three daily services - usual explanation is that each one of the three was initiated by one of the patriarchs:

1. Abraham (Genesis 22.3) “Abraham arose early in the morning.”

2.  Isaac (Genesis 24:63) “Isaac went out meditating in the field toward evening.”

3.  Jacob (Genesis 28:11) “He came to that place and stopped there for the night.”

·           The services are also substitutes for the sacrifices made in the Temple in Jerusalem.

·           There is an obligation to say the ‘Shma’ at morning and night, the affirmation that states “Hear O’Israel – the Lord our God, the Lord is one.”